Sleep Sweet Sleep

Note:  This is a looonngggg post, mostly written for other moms who may want to hear how we have helped a non-napping baby make a big change, by the Grace of God.  I'm going to make some shorter follow-up posts as things progress, but here's the background....

We hit a crisis state last week in regard to Addie's sleep-- or should I say, lack of sleep.  Her naps had diminished from bad to worse with her sleeping about 40 minutes a day.  Her naps have never been good, but this is really, really bad.  I could get her to sleep but she never napped more than 25 minutes.  I could bake a cake by her nap time it was was so exact.  I tried stroller naps and car naps.  Taking an hour long detour to grocery store located 7 miles away was becoming ridiculous, and was no longer working.  Near the end of last week I was literally on my face on the floor begging God for help.  I felt lost.  None of my many books helped.

Then I remembered a book that I had considered and dismissed a few weeks early.  It's called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr Marc Weissbluth.  I had read that it had great ideas and that although it advocated letting kids "cry it out", it had lots of solutions to try before getting to that point.  I read the reviews and was horrified by the description of the cry it out method he suggests, horrifically named "extinction".  I quickly removed the book from my library list.  But after weeks with no improvement, and this book title coming to mind again after my prayer, I decided I had to give it a shot.  Boy, am I glad I did! 


My daughter who formerly slept 40 minutes a day now naps for a total of 3-4 hours!  That sentence that I just wrote still leaves me in awe.  I did not think it was possible.  And, so far, we have accomplished this with zero tears.  How?

Well, Dr Marc is really big on getting kids to nap before they are overly tired.  He wants them in bed before that "second wind" kicks in.  It's that second wind that makes bedtime dramatic and tear-filled.  I was stunned to read that if my six month old gets up at 7 am she should be in bed no later than 9am.  Maybe even 8 am depending on her temperament.  So I committed to Addie's naps being my first priority and we began with what Dr Marc considers the most important nap of the day, the 9 am one.  Addie was back in bed within an hour or so of getting up.  And she went to bed smiling, sucking her fingers happily (a new development) and snuggling her baptism gift, a sheep lovey.  And she slept.  And slept.  And slept.  Almost two hours the first day.  Jeff and I looked at each other in disbelieft.  It had been at least three months since she had napped so long!  Then came the second nap. I was careful not to miss the sleepy window and got her to bed by noon...for the second nap!  This really was strange to me as I thought that kids' second naps were afternoon naps, as in "after" noon.  Dr Marc says this second one starts between noon and three, depending on the baby.  Addie slept again.  For two more hours.  I was speechless.

Later that day she fell asleep in the car for an hour.  This was a LOT of sleep for her!  Dr Marc had said that when you start this program  your baby may seem more tired than she had because the adrenaline is gone and she's experiencing the fatigue that has been hidden by the constant state of having a "second wind".  I knew he was right. By day three though, the fatigue lifted.

My worse fear with the lack of sleep was that it was going to slow her development.  By day three of this new schedule she had rolled over for the first time!  What a confirmation that we are on the right track!

That first day she also went to bed happily at 8pm.  Jeff and I didn't quite know what to do with ourselves.  We had been holding her to help her through her early night wakeups for the past six months.  We didn't know the cause of the wakeups but now we realized it was that adrenaline pumping through her overtired system.  That night we looked at each other several times, smiled and said "What do we do now?"  (The answer was, watch "Masterchef" :).

The road hasn't been without bumps.  That late afternoon third nap, which 16% of babies her age need, hasn't happened peacefully since day one.  So I've skipped it, thinking she's not in the 16%.  But the past two nights bedtime has not been peaceful and she's been waking hourly until midnight.  Now I know that it's because she needs that third nap, or a very early bed time (as in, 5pm).

So today I may have to use the technique that I was thankful to have avoided-- letting her cry.  Dr Marc says to let her cry for up to an hour when attempting a nap.  I'm not sure I can do this.  I experimented a bit with it last night at midnight when she was wide awake.  I had to walk away because I had been attempting naps or rocking her down since 3:30 pm.  I came downstairs and she yelled in protest for fifteen minutes until a real cry started.  I went in and rocked her.  She was peacefully asleep within minutes.  Faster and more peaceful than I had ever seen her drift off, oddly.  Then she slept for six hours.  Another first.

When Izzy was born I vowed I would never let a baby cry to sleep.  I read tons of attachment parenting books that said to avoid it and gave alternatives.  These alternatives were fairly time-consuming but it was time that I had.  Looking back, I don't think Izzy got enough sleep though, even with the rocking, etc.  And now with two, I don't have the ability to rock a baby down for half an hour in a quiet room-- there are no quiet rooms with a toddler on the loose!

So I'm at a crossroads where I simply have to choose a little crying over a baby who is quite literally sleep-deprived, which she was.  I mean that in the most clinical sense.  My baby was literally not getting enough sleep to function as she needed to.  This breaks my heart.  And it breaks my heart that perhaps Izzy hasn't gotten enough over the past couple years.  She got more than Addie.  But I'm not sure it was enough. 

Did I mention that Dr Marc also discusses toddler naps?  :)

Next up....what we are trying today to try to get that third nap to happen or at least not have her overtired by bedtime.  Also, our attempt at re-establishing a nap for our toddler.  Prayers welcome and appreciated :)

T is for Thankful

Today we are thankful! Yesterday was Izzy's annual heart appointment. It went well. And the words "optimistic" and "hopeful" were used by our wonderful doc. So anytime that happens I'll call it good! Of course, our doc is also a mom with a new baby (4 mo old) at home so she may also have been so tired that she thought she was at Chili's for dinner and was talking about what she ordered. But she reported she had had two cups of coffee and was doing fine. Still, sorta glad we weren't talking about surgery as I would have had to he sure her baby was sleeping through the night first. The summary of the visit is below. The pic above is of Izzy and Jeff with the Big Bird statue at Mott's. Overall it was a blast for her. She got stickers-- that they put on her belly to attach wires to in order to listen to her heart. Then she got to watch a new Elmo DVD which thankfully put her into a hypnotic trance while she had to lie still for 45 minutes during the echo. I still feel like I witnessed a miracle that that part went so well! Then she got a piggy back ride around the pediatric cardiology floor while we waited to see the doc. Then Jeff bought her panda stickers in the gift shop. It was all followed by a lollipop and a walk over to see the Big Bird statue! And Addie slept through almost all of it. All in all, it was more exciting and fun than a non-hospital day around here- not that that means I want more hospital trips. I found my heart breaking for the moms who were discussing heart surgery with their docs, and for all those I know struggling with sick kids. My prayers go out to them. Thank you to all who prayed for Izzy, that the visit
would go smoothly and that we would get good news-- answered prayers. We thank God.

Here's are the details, copied from an email I sent yesterday...

The hole hasn't closed. It has closed partially. The Dr was surprised it's still so open since last year they couldn't hear it at all. But since they did the echo this year they could definitely see it that it's still there.

She said that we don't need surgery in the "foreseeable future" and that she is holding out hope that it will close the rest of the way. Even if it doesn't close in the next two years she may not recommend surgery as the hole doesn't seem to be causing any distress for the heart (no enlargement or valve problems).

So we go back in two years at which time they will likely make a surgery decision either way. Sounds like the odds are in our favor that no surgery will be needed. I sure hope that that is the case!

Nap on Wheels

Some trips are, well, long. It takes having a baby or toddler to make a two day vacation feel like a week.

That being said, we had a great Fourth of July in Indy. But we had some cracked-out tired kids! I was a bit ill-prepared for the nap issue. I brought along all the nighttime sleep aids-- blankie, pacifiers (although Izzy forgot to use the paci-yay!), Violet the musical dog, and the portable glowing mushroom. Oh, and Addie's sound machine. In the end izzy simply passed out Friday night from fatigue while watching Curious George. She had almost four hours less sleep than usual. When we arrived at my dad's Saturday morning I felt a storm was brewing, even though the skies were clear.

I suddenly realized I had a toddler who had 3-4 hours less sleep than usual and a baby who had slept late enough that she hadn't had her morning nap before we arrived. I couldn't enjoy myself pondering when I was going to see the fallout from this. Having gotten very little sleep myself, my anxiety was a bit heightened.

So I relied on the ol' standby. The nap on wheels (hummed to the tune of a certain Thrill Kill Cult song). I loaded up the crabby exhausted tots and took off. Within literally sixty seconds, they were both asleep. I was still grumpy so I pulled over under a shady tree and closed my eyes while listening to the radio. Then we drove some more. Forty-five minutes and ten dollars in gas later everyone was a bit more rested and happy. Best ten bucks I've ever spent.

Not an ideal parenting strategy, I know. But it's one of our survival tools that just needs to be used once in awhile. If I could have a redo, I'm not sure I would have done things much differently. Right now in our house we are going through nap limbo with Izzy. She needs a nap but won't go down. She goes to bed earlier but still really needs a nap. With having a baby in tow it's tricky having time to get Izzy into a nap. I wouldn't have wanted to take that all on while out of our normal environment. In my redo, though, I may have set up a nap setting for Addie, but I was too tired to think of that. Usually she can get by being worn and sleeping in the baby carrier, but I wasn't going to do that in 95 degrees!!

So we did our best and everyone got what they needed. That's what parenting is sometimes, just doing our best in the moment when our best laid plans fail, or in my case, when I had no plan at all!

It's probably no surprise to tell you that our drive home conversation was comprised mostly of dreaming about the day when all the kids are old enough that we can go on a kid-free vacation (get ready for the drop-off, grandparents!) I just hope I will still be young enough to be seen in a bathing suit by then :).

Memory snapshot

One of my favorite happenings this week was Father's Day. Jeff wore the tie that Izzy made him in toddler class. Everywhere we went complete strangers were complimenting him! Church, the grocery store, pet store, etc. I'm not exaggerating when I say at least fifteen people said something. I think it made him feel like a celebrity. That's how all dad's should feel on Father's Day!

Other moments I want to capture and bottle up...

Izzy singing to me in the bath tub after I sang to her. It went something like, "Oo..book... duck... ooo.. ..ooo... the end!! Yay!!!"


The quote of the week came from my adorable four year old niece, Tessa, when she explained that Addie wasn't hungry so she didn't want to nurse... "The baby wasn't hungry so she didn't eat Aunt Stephanie's bra."

Izzy is not-so-mildly obsessed with Curious George. Today I overheard her asking one of her stuffed animals if she could watch a video. She got an enthusiastic Yes! from the animal.

Why My Hubby is an Awesome Dad

Why you are an awesome dad...

You take Izzy on "flights" almost daily.

You take on evening time with Addie and actually enjoy it.

You change diapers.

You stay home with us, a lot.

You bring home the bacon even though it's exhausting.

You get up early with kids when you know their mom has had a rough night.

You readily agreed to sell your car for a minivan (I know, I know, the title says "station wagon")

You kill spiders for us.

You spray bees for us (and do it the less toxic but probably more pain-in-the-butt way so your kids can have a safe lawn to play on barefoot)

You have supported the healthy food changes in this house without complaint.

You help with dinner, or even make all of it for us sometimes.

You fingerpaint with Izzy despite the crazy mess!!

You were so crazy proud to introduce your kids to your coworkers.

You get up with Izzy when she's scared at night.

You finished reading a book with Izzy tonight when I had to nurse Addie...and then you read it a second time!

Piggyback rides. 'Nuff said.

Laundry and toy cleanup- taking on two tasks that grow exponentially with kids.

You help me get back on track when I'm feeling like an overwhelmed mommy.

You pray with and for the kids.

You spend more time in the sun than you want to so that Izzy can have fun outside.

You are excited to get the Father's Day gift that Izzy made for you in class.

I totally blew your Father's Day surprise and you just hugged me and smiled and said Thank You!

The list goes on, but it's 4 am and I can't think. By the way, you are sleeping next to me right now even though this is the noisiest room in the house at night, due to baby wake ups.

You rock! And we love you very much!

Happy Father's Day!

Toddler Bully?

Tomorrow is our last day of tot class for this semester. I'm dreading it somewhat. Here's why...

I didn't realize there was such a thing as toddler "bullying". Preschool maybe, but toddler?! I don't want to label Tommy permanently as a bully, but I'm afraid that is his behavior that I will most remember about him.

Last Thursday in our Mommy and Me class, Tommy pushed Izzy. It wasn't your average push. He locked his sights on her and charged. She ran. I tried to intercept but didn't make it in time. Izzy was slammed into a wall. And I was facing Tommy and said, quite firmly, "That's unacceptable!". And by firmly, i mean it was almost a yell. It wasn't an ideal response, but it was mild compared to how my mama bear instincts wanted to respond. (think Kung-Fu ninja)

It seems we are moving into the age where Izzy's peers aren't as sweet as they used to be, and I'm really struggling with how to react. I absolutely don't blame the kids, or even the parents in most cases. Kids will be kids. They are learning. But Tommy's mom just doesn't seem to care, which drives me nuts. I can't tell other parents what to do (and believe me, I have a litany of ideas for this particular mom!). So I'm left with the only thing that I can control: how I respond. In theory, anyway.

The teacher and another mom gave me a great tip, though. Teach Izzy how to put her hand out and say STOP! They said it usually alarms the attacker enough that they stop and give me time to intervene. Also, it gives Izzy back some power.

And that's what I really want. She's going to run into this so much (and sometimes she'll be the offender). I want her to not feel the victim.

We went home and re-enacted the scene with Stuffed animals. When Curious George told Mickey the Moose, "Stop Tommy!" Izzy went over to the moose and said "it's okay, Tommy.". She did that in class too. At the end of class she brought Tommy a toy.

I've pondered that a lot since that class. I ultimately want her to remain the loving, empathetic girl that she is.

I hope I can be that forgiving at our next class .

Memory Keeper

The girls are changing so fast. Since I don't do baby books, this blog is serving as one of the main memory keepers. So I thought I would use a post to make a few notes about things that I've noticed lately and want to remember later...

1. Izzy tried to feed Addie a cheese quesadilla today. Izzy likes for us all to enjoy any food she particularly likes (especially Popsicles, lollipops and cheese). More and more, she wants Addie to enjoy these too.

2. There are tons of sisterly snuggles right now. Izzy hugs Addie and they both giggle. Addie just developed this belly laugh that gets set off by Izzy's hugs or my tickles or my friend Shannon tickling her belly. It's the sweetest giggle ever! And Izzy is the sweetest big sister ever!

3. Izzy is loving all things outdoors. Sometimes when that fresh air hits her she just runs and laughs. Our "run"'usually takes us down the path to visit Sunny, the neighbors' dog. Izzy calls "SUNNNEEEE" before we are within 500 feet of the house:). When she was one year old she used to bark at the dog. The neighbors told me once at church that the dad went out to see why Sunny was barking. He came back in and said in a surprised fashion, "That wasn't Sunny barking, that was a little girl!". Lol! I love that story!

After seeing Sunny, Izzy usually leads the three of us (Addie often passed out in Ergo carrier) to see the ducks at the nearby apartment complex. She gets soooo excited over this! She talks to them a lot..."Hi duck, hi goose!".

4. Addie is teething and using her tongue to rub and comfort her sore gums. She looks like a lizard for most of the day. It's hilarious to watch. I just got out the teethers yesterday. I'm mildly OCD when it comes to germs. Having a baby who will want to put everything in her mouth and a toddler that touches everything with her usually dirty hands is going to test my wits. Yesterday Izzy wiped her runny nose with the baby's cloth wrist rattle. It's gonna be a long year...

5. I just feel so blessed to get to spend time with my girls and Jeff. Undeserving and blessed.

Oh and if anyone didn't get a copy of Izzy eating an apple in her sleep, let me know and I will forward it on. Jeff's hoping it wins America's Funniest Home Videos so he won't have to teach summer school :). (we find out tomorrow if he gets a summer school job- fingers crossed, prayers said!).

Hope everyone is doing well. Thx for reading:)