Note: This is a looonngggg post, mostly written for other moms who may want to hear how we have helped a non-napping baby make a big change, by the Grace of God. I'm going to make some shorter follow-up posts as things progress, but here's the background....
We hit a crisis state last week in regard to Addie's sleep-- or should I say, lack of sleep. Her naps had diminished from bad to worse with her sleeping about 40 minutes a day. Her naps have never been good, but this is really, really bad. I could get her to sleep but she never napped more than 25 minutes. I could bake a cake by her nap time it was was so exact. I tried stroller naps and car naps. Taking an hour long detour to grocery store located 7 miles away was becoming ridiculous, and was no longer working. Near the end of last week I was literally on my face on the floor begging God for help. I felt lost. None of my many books helped.
Then I remembered a book that I had considered and dismissed a few weeks early. It's called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr Marc Weissbluth. I had read that it had great ideas and that although it advocated letting kids "cry it out", it had lots of solutions to try before getting to that point. I read the reviews and was horrified by the description of the cry it out method he suggests, horrifically named "extinction". I quickly removed the book from my library list. But after weeks with no improvement, and this book title coming to mind again after my prayer, I decided I had to give it a shot. Boy, am I glad I did!
My daughter who formerly slept 40 minutes a day now naps for a total of 3-4 hours! That sentence that I just wrote still leaves me in awe. I did not think it was possible. And, so far, we have accomplished this with zero tears. How?
Well, Dr Marc is really big on getting kids to nap before they are overly tired. He wants them in bed before that "second wind" kicks in. It's that second wind that makes bedtime dramatic and tear-filled. I was stunned to read that if my six month old gets up at 7 am she should be in bed no later than 9am. Maybe even 8 am depending on her temperament. So I committed to Addie's naps being my first priority and we began with what Dr Marc considers the most important nap of the day, the 9 am one. Addie was back in bed within an hour or so of getting up. And she went to bed smiling, sucking her fingers happily (a new development) and snuggling her baptism gift, a sheep lovey. And she slept. And slept. And slept. Almost two hours the first day. Jeff and I looked at each other in disbelieft. It had been at least three months since she had napped so long! Then came the second nap. I was careful not to miss the sleepy window and got her to bed by noon...for the second nap! This really was strange to me as I thought that kids' second naps were afternoon naps, as in "after" noon. Dr Marc says this second one starts between noon and three, depending on the baby. Addie slept again. For two more hours. I was speechless.
Later that day she fell asleep in the car for an hour. This was a LOT of sleep for her! Dr Marc had said that when you start this program your baby may seem more tired than she had because the adrenaline is gone and she's experiencing the fatigue that has been hidden by the constant state of having a "second wind". I knew he was right. By day three though, the fatigue lifted.
My worse fear with the lack of sleep was that it was going to slow her development. By day three of this new schedule she had rolled over for the first time! What a confirmation that we are on the right track!
That first day she also went to bed happily at 8pm. Jeff and I didn't quite know what to do with ourselves. We had been holding her to help her through her early night wakeups for the past six months. We didn't know the cause of the wakeups but now we realized it was that adrenaline pumping through her overtired system. That night we looked at each other several times, smiled and said "What do we do now?" (The answer was, watch "Masterchef" :).
The road hasn't been without bumps. That late afternoon third nap, which 16% of babies her age need, hasn't happened peacefully since day one. So I've skipped it, thinking she's not in the 16%. But the past two nights bedtime has not been peaceful and she's been waking hourly until midnight. Now I know that it's because she needs that third nap, or a very early bed time (as in, 5pm).
So today I may have to use the technique that I was thankful to have avoided-- letting her cry. Dr Marc says to let her cry for up to an hour when attempting a nap. I'm not sure I can do this. I experimented a bit with it last night at midnight when she was wide awake. I had to walk away because I had been attempting naps or rocking her down since 3:30 pm. I came downstairs and she yelled in protest for fifteen minutes until a real cry started. I went in and rocked her. She was peacefully asleep within minutes. Faster and more peaceful than I had ever seen her drift off, oddly. Then she slept for six hours. Another first.
When Izzy was born I vowed I would never let a baby cry to sleep. I read tons of attachment parenting books that said to avoid it and gave alternatives. These alternatives were fairly time-consuming but it was time that I had. Looking back, I don't think Izzy got enough sleep though, even with the rocking, etc. And now with two, I don't have the ability to rock a baby down for half an hour in a quiet room-- there are no quiet rooms with a toddler on the loose!
So I'm at a crossroads where I simply have to choose a little crying over a baby who is quite literally sleep-deprived, which she was. I mean that in the most clinical sense. My baby was literally not getting enough sleep to function as she needed to. This breaks my heart. And it breaks my heart that perhaps Izzy hasn't gotten enough over the past couple years. She got more than Addie. But I'm not sure it was enough.
Did I mention that Dr Marc also discusses toddler naps? :)
Next up....what we are trying today to try to get that third nap to happen or at least not have her overtired by bedtime. Also, our attempt at re-establishing a nap for our toddler. Prayers welcome and appreciated :)
I, too, read and used many techniques in this book and found it quite helpful, although I never let Max cry for more than a couple of minutes. I had discovered that sometimes he just needed to fuss a bit and then he would be fine and go to sleep on his own, but if started a "real" cry, I would go in.
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