She's come undone

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but that's how it feels.  I haven't been following this Weissbluth Method exactly.  I've been doing my best to get Addie down before she's overly tired and just hoping I don't have to let her cry at all.  Well, there's been more tears since Friday.  Last night I knew she had to be tired so put her to bed early-- no luck.  This girl doesn't want to go to bed before 8pm.  She took a one hour nap and awoke at 7:30.  The next two hours were a mix of letting her cry, me crying and considering giving the children up for adoption because I feel like a terrible mom, and comforting her.  Finally around 9:30 I went to bed held her and she was asleep in thirty seconds.  She would only stay alseep if I stayed with her.  I was so exhausted that I went to sleep too.  The rest of the night was fairly typical, but with a few more wakeup than usual.

Today the morning started at 6 am.  I put her down at the very first sign of fatigue-- knowing that she hadn't had much sleep last night and she had gotten up on the early side of normal.  She didn't want to go to sleep.  She cried.  And cried.  I finally got her up, played with her and then watched her yawn and get glossy eyed and start to get fussy.  I put her down at 8:30 and she cried for a couple minutes and then took her overtired typical 25 minute not-really-a-nap nap.  Ugh. 

Right now I'm following the book and allowing her to cry for another 30 minutes.  I'm terrible, right?

I feel like I've been on the fence.  Trying to do the program without really doing the program.  But what if it doesn't work, I let her cry and then she starts to hate her bed, or sleeps worse?  When we started, it really couldn't get worse as far as nap times go.

Now I feel I know when she is tired.  There's no doubt.  I'm putting her down with a know she's tired.  I know this because I've written down every nap for a week.  So I also know when she's overtired.  The problem is, when she's overtired, what am I willing to do about it?

Right now, my brain is shot.  I'm tired.  I'm rather depressed.  And I feel like a horrible mom in general. 

I may just go with the Weissbluth method and try it full force.  For naps, at least.  I'm going to comfort at bedtime because nighttime sleep is regulated by a different part of the brain than nap sleep.  So one won't mess up the other.  I have the luxury of comforting her more at night.  Once Jeff returns to work and it's me with a toddler and baby I don't have that luxury.  Even if I did, it didn't work to keep her asleep.  It only got her to sleep.

I can't go back to having her nap 40 minutes a day.  It's not healthy.  I know at least that for sure.

I'm doubting everything else.  But I know that for sure.