The Diagnosis

This week a terrible thing happened.  A thirteen year old girl died of anaphylaxis after accidentally eating peanut butter that frosted a rice krispie treat.  The scariest part is that once she ingested it, her parents did everything right.  They gave her Benedryl.  They monitored her.  When she began to vomit 20 minutes later, and have trouble breathing, they gave her the epi-pen. Three epi-pens.  Her father, a doctor, administered them. 

This story, for obvious reasons, has just rocked me.  I almost started crying at the grocery store yesterday as I perused items, as usual making sure my purchases were foods that had zero chance of ever having come into contact with peanuts or treenuts- not even at the factory.  I just felt, at that moment, like all of the wonderful precautions that I learned from other moms can't necessarily protect my daughter.  

Izzy was diagnosed just last summer with a life-threatening allergy to peanuts and tree nuts.  I'm what most would think of as an overprotective mom, I imagine.  I read (too many) parenting books.  I obsess about possibly not-that-important details of raising my kids.  I thought that this hyper-vigilant behavior would protect us from things like food allergies or other illness.  When I was pregnant I heard someone mention peanut allergies. It spurred me minutes later to look up online whether I should be avoiding peanuts.  I can tell you exactly where I was sitting when I googled this.  It was only feet away from the kitchen area of my office, where I had been happily eating a peanut butter sandwich at least once a day for three months -- it was one of the only things to get me through my morning sickness.  Online I read that people with environmental allergies (trees, grass, etc) should probably avoid eating peanuts while pregnant.  No one had ever told me this! I thought, well, I can start now.  People will think I'm being my usual hypervigilant self, I said to myself, but missing peanuts for six months won't kill me.  So I never ate another peanut until after she was born, and assumed this bought us immunity to such a diagnosis.

Then one day, three years later, I really wanted my kiddo to have a little more protein in her treats.  However, I couldn't get her to eat a simple pj & j.  So I concocted a plan one Saturday morning.  I baked up a batch of peanut butter banana muffins.  She loved muffins so I figured this would be a slam dunk in getting her to change her mind on the ol' peanut butter.  She didn't trust that the muffin was something she would like.  I can still see her nose scrunching up as she brought it to her lips, stuck out her teeth like she was smiling, and took the smallest bite humanly possible.  A few flakes of muffin touched her tongue, she tasted the peanut butter and immediately spit it out all over the table.  Fail.  I cleaned it up and started to put away the dishes.  About 20 minutes later she threw up. Everywhere.  It was more vomit than what should come out of a three year old!  Minutes after that, she was bouncing on an air mattress that we had in the living room.  I remember thinking, how can she possibly have a stomach virus if she's doing gymnastics in the living room minutes after vomiting like that?

In my classic Stephanie way, I obsessed about it all morning.  By the grace of God, I recalled a few other times she had vomited like this and felt fine afterward.  She never came down with a virus either of those times.  And in those instances she had vomited so much that it looked more like a horror movie than a three year old getting sick.  Both times were at parties at our house where I had assumed that she had just eaten too much junk food.  Both times it sent our guests running for the door, afraid to catch whatever bug would make a three year old explode at the dinner table.  As I thought about these, I recalled that on at least one these occasions, my dad had given her peanuts from the shell.  I now wondered if it may have been an allergic reaction.  She had never had hives after eating them, or at least not that I had noticed.  I had never heard of vomiting as an allergic reaction.  I googled it, of course, and learned that stomach upset can be a sign.  

My solution was to call the doctor the following Monday and ask them what Benedryl dose to give the next time she accidentally had peanuts.  Today I still laugh at my casual solution!  I was so uncharacteristically laid back about the whole thing.  I am sooo thankful that my doctor set me right!  I can still hear the nurse responding, "Ummmm....we need to see your daughter TODAY.  The next time she ingests peanuts she could go into anaphylactic shock and die. Every reaction is different.  You never know what's going tohappen"  What??  Die?? From peanuts??  Even though she just vomited the last time?? Why would her body trick us like that??

So, in a little bit of shock myself, we traveled to the doc.  They gave us an epi-pen and referred us to an allergist at the research-rich University of Michigan Food Allergy Clinic. They could see us in in four months.  I couldn't wait that long for obvious reasons and found someone at St. Joe's.  The tests, both skin and blood, confirmed the suspicion and also indicated an allergy to some tree nuts.  And our journey began.  

I'll write next time about that appointment, for the mommas who have one scheduled.  And I'll share the priceless information we've learned about this deadly allergy since then.

On an important side note, discussion in my No Nuts Moms Group about Natalie Giorgi's death has yielded some important changes to how we will respond if Izzy ever eats a peanut or tree nut.  We won't wait for a reaction.  We will just stick her immediately with the epi-pen and take her to the hospital.  Time is of the essence.  Once a reaction has progressed too far, even epinephrine can't stop it.  We are going to try to head it off at the pass.  And there will be uneducated nurses and doctors, and perhaps others, who roll their eyes and think we overreacted.  But, thank God, there are wise allergists out there who have advised moms to give the epi pre-symptom.  And when the others roll their eyes, I'll look over at my daughter sitting next to me, healthy and well, and I won't care one bit what they think.  

Unsubscribing, and Sleep Update

Jonah and his "sealy"-- the toy that Jeff has had since he was a wee babe.  His mom, Sharon, actually carried it around like it was a baby before Jeff's younger brother Greg was born.  She's not crazy:) She did it so that Jeff could used to be a new baby being on the scene.  So cool to see Jonah playing with his daddy's childhood toy (I'm sure it's not the last toy of daddy's with which he'll play...lol).  Love that in the last pic he has no idea where the seal has gone- even though he's the one who tossed it over his back! :)

First, I just wanted to let folks know that there is probably a way to unsubscribe to this blog if you don't want to receive updates.  I see that only one person has viewed the last post, so I imagine most people have figured that out :)   The last several posts have been mostly about sleep, in hopes that maybe another suffering momma while stumble upon them and not feel so alone (or inadequate- I can relate to that!).  I also originally thought maybe develop some insight into these sleep issues, but I'm not so sure that I have discovered any.

I did follow my "Addie plan" and Jonah went down to nap faithfully on time with just a few minutes of tears.  But those tears, I suspect, caused incredible fear of the crib :(  At night (ALL night) he would fight with all of his almost-one year old energy to stay awake and to definitely at least wake the second his sweet little cheek hit the crib sheet.  And he didn't just whimper, he screamed and stood up, hysterical.  Breaks my heart.  And it nearly broke my sanity (and Jeff's too) from 2 am to 4:30 am the other night!  

So, yesterday, I retreated.  After much prayer, I decided to not let him cry.  When he cried at nap time I put him in the baby carrier on my back.  He stayed awake playfully and happily past his morning nap.  In the afternoon Jeff rocked him down while I was grocery shopping and he slept for two hours.  In the evening Jeff rocked him down again (the squirmer has to be held up and rocked for a bit and Jeff's upper body strength can outlast me:).  During his three night time wake-ups I nursed and rocked him and he went peacefully back down in the crib all but once.  And that time he only woke several minutes after being laid down (Jeff came to my rescue on that one again!).  

So, where do we stand now?  I dunno.  I'm stumped.  I think my tolerance for my baby's crying it out in a crib has returned to zero.  But I desire him to be a good napper.  And I can't hold him and sway forever (heck, I can hardly do it now- the kids is 21 pounds!).  I may get a mattress so that I can lay down and nurse him off to sleep at least at night.  I'll have to lock the closet and take everything out of that room though for safety.  I'm not sure.  It's a stumper.  But I am praying.  And I do believe God cares immensely and will respond.  He is good.  

On a soap box note, I don't believe that God designed the world to be like this.  Tired, sleepless parents.  I really do believe we were meant to live in tight-knit community (I mean, multi-generational homes with cousins and grandparents, etc).  I think that we're meant to have several people holding and caring for these needy wee ones throughout the day.  I think it was designed so that we would have that kind of support.  This article describes it well.

Anyway, I'll add some updates as life goes on- on sleep and other topics as I'm inspired. Mostly, I'm just buckling down for a long year ahead! :)  I look at Addie, going to bed peacefully at nap and bedtime, and I give a little thanks knowing that this sleepless time with Jonah won't last forever :)  And I'll try to get enough rest to cherish the time as well :)

Apologies for typos...too tired to proof read today and gotta go to work (from home)!

Sleep issues, babe number three- Let the games begin!

Our youngest son, Zeke, is almost a year old.  Time flies!  He has been sleeping well (my definition of well is napping at about the same time daily, two naps and sleeping eleven hours with wakeups for nursing).  I think some moms may not agree with my definition of "sleeping well" including nighttime wake-ups, but I've decided my babies are genuinely hungry and need that connection at least once a night.  Zeke wakes two to four times a night but goes right back to sleep usually-- not fun but something I've decided I can tolerate.

What I don't do well with is when the tots won't go to sleep without much protest.  Zeke has been nursing peacefully to sleep and then taking a good nap twice a day for quite awhile now.  It's been great.  I knew it couldn't last forever, but I've been in a if-it's-not-broke-don't-fix-it mode.  And it's a lovely peaceful time to sit and nurse him peacefully off to sleep.  But that has all changed lately.

The same thing happened with Juanita.  I recall that at the minute she learned to walk, instead of drifting off after her bottle, she would sit up and try to climb off of my lap.  What?!  Yesterday, with Zeke on my lap nursing, I was the one who fell asleep in the chair.  Then I was awakened by a slap to the face from him.  He then arched his back and tried to roll to the floor to carry on his day!  My peaceful baby snuggle moments are dwindling away.

I've put him in his crib in this state a few times and he's cried for just a couple minutes.  But now the protest time is increasing; he's crying harder and for longer.  I think he's genuinely scared.  I mean, it's all new to be left in a dark room awake and alone.  What baby expects that all is well when that happens?

So, I was happy to come upon this post about Grace's sleep.  Grace naps so.well.now.  The girl ASKS to go to bed when she is tired (usually about 11 am or so).  She smiles the whole way to bed and relief spreads across her face as she settles into bed.  She wakes up with new energy for the rest of her adventurous two-year-old day.  I'm so thankful for this and happy for her.  I can only hope for this for Zeke too.  Well, hope and plan.

So, I'm going to start waking him at the same time daily (trying to stretch him to six am).  He's a classic overly tired baby...wakiing too early (5:30), easily cranky, napping too late, bedtime too late.  I hope that I can turn this around by creating a bit of a new bedtime routine, some sleep cues (a lovey perhaps?, some music?), some play time in crib during non-sleep time, and most importantly, putting him down before he's overly tired.  Exhaustion will not be the sleep aid from now on.  It's so true that it causes more crying than going to bed on time!

So I'm going to follow the suggestions in the post I wrote about Grace's sleep.  I'm not sure what will happen.  Did I luck out with Grace?  Will Zeke protest more?

As with Grace, I will not have him crying it out alone in his room.  I'll follow the same rule of thumb I did with Grace, up to ten minutes of whimpering protests is ok- but frightened cries, or longer cries and I'll jump in and get him and we'll carry on with our day until the next nap.  We'll see how it goes!  Oh, and I will PRAY!!!  God has designed how babies sleep and He has the most wisdom on this subject!  I felt He answered my prayer with Grace, and believe He'll give me wisdom with Jonah. too. :)

I'll keep ya posted!

Us Girls

Well, as usual, it's been ages since I've blogged!  I would love to do it more often but it's so hard to just settle down and write.  I have a new blog in the works that I may begin after Jonah is born.  For now, I thought I would send out an update on how the girls are doing.  Just a reminder that I'm using substitute names for privacy :)

We are eagerly awaiting baby boy's arrival!  Well, I'm more anxious than eager :)  Juanita is eager, often talking about baby Zeke...and when she will hold him.  She is very concerned about how loud he will be.  Grace wasn't loud but I think Juanita picked up that idea from a book that she read.  Every once in awhile she'll say out of the blue, "I know! I have a good idea!  I'll cover my ears when baby Zeke is loud!"  Too cute!  

I'm pretty sure Grace will just feel like she was hit by a semi-truck upon the arrival of Zeke.  There's just no way to prepare an 18 month old! There was hardly a very effective way of adequately preparing Juanita when she was two.  But Grace will adapt and I'm sure will follow Juanita's lead that all is well.  She mimics Juanita regularly now.  Nini will say something assertively, a request or something of that nature.  Grace will mimic it in her toddler Chinese, clearly having no idea what she's demanding.  It cracks us all up, including Nini.  In fact, we are regularly entertained by Grace right now.  She regularly entertains us with toddler somersault attempts, headstands, etc each night before bed.

Nini begins preschool in three weeks.  She seems cautiously optimistic about it.  I guess that describes how I feel too.  We've been discovering that her peanut allergy extends to cross-contaminated foods that one would never think could contain nuts (cheese snacks or ice cream that came in contact at the manufacturing plants).  So I'm relieved to at least know that the preschool teacher is peanut and tree nut allergic too.  In fact her allergy began just like Nini's.  As a child she had somewhat moderate reactions and eventually one exposure became life threatening (this is what the the allergist explained could happen with Nini if she is exposed to peanuts).  So Ms Teacher is very aware of the seriousness and how to respond if Nini does ingest peanuts or something contaminated with them.  That is a relief.  I can't express how strange or stressful this peanut allergy thing has been.  We've learned some things the hard way.  It weighs on me regularly to see food as an enemy that could seriously harm my daughter.  I feel offended by the very existence of things like pb & j, annoyed by the lack of information the public has, and frustrated by the amount of label reading and caution I need to take.  The irony is that I am the type of person who is quite "overly" cautious.  Ironically, I have proven not to be cautious enough when it comes to her allergy.  But we are learning quickly thanks to folks like the No Nuts Moms Group on Facebook.

So, I digress...anyway, preschool begins in September.  We found a school with small classes and affordable non-coop rates.  It's technically a co-op but we'll pay a little more so that I don't have to volunteer.  We'll still have a few jobs / assist days each year, but I won't have to be there in class 2-3 times per month.  I would love to be, but it's just too much with Grace and Zeke too.  Tomorrow we head over to the preschool to play on the playground to make it more familiar to Nini.  We already did a two-week trial that Addie was able to attend, too.  Nini liked it (and so did Grace- she would love to go too!)  

I've been soaking up the time with our current family as we wait for Zeke.  I'm excited to meet him, but part of me just wants to hit the pause button on the remote control of life.  I just want to absorb and cherish this time with Jeff and I and the girls.  I know change is coming.  It will be part challenge as Zeke's birth coincides with Jeff's return to school and Kiki's return to school and sports (unless we can somehow sabotage her volleyball try-outs, as we've been plotting to:).  Each time I've dug down deep into the ground of my worries, God has provided reassurance that He will provide for our "new" family and that I can handle it.  Recently, we were blessed to make an arrangement with a friend of the family to watch their middle schooler after school in exchange for him being a mommy's helper. He has two younger sisters as well, and is just a well-rounded, sweet kid.  I feel so blessed that we'll have his arrival to look forward to each school day.  It will help us all stay a little saner / calmer and will give him somewhere to be after school until his parents get out of work.  Yup, God is good.

So that's what is going on with us.  Today is my last day of summer office hours.  I've passed my new licensing exam. (Yay!) Now all we have to do is rearrange some car seats, move a crib, and get some dresser drawers organized.  And then we sit back, soak up the last days of summer and wait!

I hope you and yours are all enjoying this summer!  

Happy Birthday Izzy

Izzy's birthday is coming up soon.  I can't believe the time that has gone by.  It's just a few years, but it feels like a decade!  


This age is SO.MUCH.FUN!  I can't get enough of it!  This summer a shift took place and suddenly Izzy was telling me about things that had happened during the day.  Previously she mentioned wants (cracker, mom! milkie!), hurts (got a boo-boo!), or greetings (hi dad, bye gramma).  Then one night as we snuggled in her bed to read (snuggling is new too) she told me, "Allie the cat, hurt hand.  Hit hair."  She described a minor assault by my mom's cat the week earlier after Izzy lovingly cornered Allie to give her some quite undesired attention.  Allie bit her hand gently and swatted her in the head with her claw-free paw.  All week long I heard about the crime committed by "Allie the cat".  Izzy spoke of it more as a triumph than an insult.  She thought it was cool and loved retelling the story to me.  So began our conversations about events of the day.  


Izzy contributes such joy and wonder to my days.  Her imagination has bloomed this year.  She lives to be dressed up.  Whether it's her purple boots that transform her into an "Adel" when she puts them on her hands and crawls around bellowing like an elephant, or simply putting on her beloved lion costume she affectionately calls "tiger".  She has spent literally almost every day for two months wearing that costume for part or all of the day!  The latest development is Dr. Izzy.  She has assembled a doctor's bag (a lunch cooler) of various doctor implements (measuring cups and spoons, turkey baster, etc) that are used to take my temperature or administer shots to which I am requested to respond with an "Ow".  


She has grown into a loving sister.  One of my joys of life is seeing she and Addie sit across the dinner table and laugh together, usually at something Izzy is doing (pretending to sneeze is a favorite of Addie's).  It's true hilarity.  When Addie cries, Izzy has learned that she can sometimes be distracted by a toy or a book, and she knows and seeks out Addie's favorites.  This touches my heart.  I prayed for sisterly affection, and I really feel that the prayer was answered.  Of course, there are still bumps in that road, but for the most part, she's a keeper of her sister and I'm sure will become a protector as well.  


I could go on.  I don't have the time or energy (unfortunately) to detail the daily wonders that come from watching this sweet little girl.  I adore her and am so very thankful to God for putting her in our family.  Thankful that He is entrusting me with the incredible responsibility of taking care of her and guiding her as she blooms into the wonderful flower He has designed her to become.  I pray I can do the watering and provide the fertile soil for growth.  I pray that I can then stand back and let her grow on her own.  I thank Him that each year I see more of that flower unfold, showing her beautiful colors, shining in the sun and brightening the world around her.  Let your light shine, Izzy.  Happy Birthday, sweetie.

Addie Update

It just occurred to me yesterday that Addie closer to age one than zero.  How did this happen?  Can that be right?  It is.  She is a week shy of eight months old!  Just that number is shocking to me.

Addie is adjusting well to the world.  She's smiling a lot of the time.  Her favorite thing, besides being held, is sitting up by herself on the floor and playing with toys.  She absolutely hates being on her belly, just like Izzy did.  I think, like Izzy, Addie has a wee bit of reflux and it just doesn't feel good to be flat on her belly.  So she sits upright with the most perfect posture that I wish I could emulate.  She bends nearly in half like a yoga pro to grab the toys around her.  She could sit there for half an hour doing that.  I love seeing her at play like that.  She looks so confident and comfortable in her skin.  If Izzy is nearby she looks up on occasion to check to see what Izzy is up to (sometimes this is more of a self-defense move than mere curiosity!).

The sisters get along fabulously for the most part.  After 3pm, when Izzy is a bit tired, I keep a closer than usual eye on them.  Usually Addie is placed on higher ground during these evening hours.  In the early day Izzy delivers toys to her sister and gives hugs and kisses.  Later in the day Izzy looks at her and I suspect thinks, "I'm getting sort of tired of her.  It would be pretty funny to see her tip over."  Ah, such is life with two littles. 

I'm so eager to see them play together when they are older!  Right now some of the sweetest moments are when they look at each other and both giggle.  I love to see that connection!  One of my most cherished relationships is with my sister and I'm so very happy that they have that. 

Sometimes my heart breaks for Addie as she looks longingly at what Izzy is doing and I can tell she wants in on it.  I can see that in the same way I was a primary influence for Izzy, she is going to be one for Addie.  That gaze of Addie's just follows her and I can see the wheels turning, perhaps thinking, "I want to do that too!  How can I get my hands on that toy?"  It's going to be interesting once Addie is mobile and can follow up those desires with action!  I have a feeling this book is going to be great help in days to come!

Yup, it's hard to believe time has flown by so fast.  It's strange to see Addie drinking water from a sippy cup and knowing that soon her backwards floor scoot will be a forward crawl- or maybe she'll go straight to walking to keep up with Izzy?  It's both strange and wonderful.  I wish I had a pause button so I could soak up every little second and not let it go by too fast!  I guess I just have to work some pauses into every day and cherish them!

Hope you all are doing well.

What has helped Addie nap better, courtesy of Dr Weissbluth

So here is a brief summary of where we were and what got us to where we are. 

Addie did not nap.  She "passed out" for 25 minutes at a time, about twice a day.  So we read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and did the following steps based on instructions from the book....

• Wake up Addie at 7 am.  This helps establish some regularity and gets her close to a schedule that works with baby's natural nap times, 9 am and 1 pm.
• Make the room bright and full of sunshine.  This helps baby set this on her internal clock as "awake" time, thus helping her realize it's different than sleep time.
• Put her down for first nap within one to two hours of wake up time.  In the beginning, she seemed to need to go down within an hour of getting up.  I suspect this was because of being overly tired and needing to catch up on rest.  Now it's closer to two hours.  
• When deciding when to put her down I watched her sleep signals more than the clock.  The clock gave me a rough idea of when she might be tired, but then I watched her.  She gets quiet, moves less, and sucks her fingers when she begins to get tired.  The next stage includes being agitated, especially when I walk away from her.  She also may start to get noisy again, in a sort of yelling way.  If I miss all these signs she gets sort of frantic, moving about a lot and getting a nervous but smiley laugh / cry thing going.  Poor baby.
• Put her down for her second nap within two to three hours of waking for the first one.  This is almost always within two hours for her.  
• Before all naps I nurse her and swaddle her legs and put a light sleep sack on over her.  I do the sack partly for warmth but also in case she gets herself unswaddled-- then the swaddle is caught in the sack and not out for her to wrap around her head.  
• Put her down for an optional third nap around 4:30 - 5:30-ish.  This carries her through until bedtime at 8pm (or so I think-- we are still trying to sort this out).
• The entire while I  keep a sleep log to help figure out what works for her.  

The thing that's missing from the Weissbluth method is crying.  I will let her fuss for up to 10 minutes.  Dr Weissbluth would say to let her cry for up to an hour at nap time and then indefinitely at bedtime.  I've found that when we got her to bed before she was overtired though, there isn't much crying.  So when she just doesn't go down I let her cry for ten minutes.  If she's not asleep after that we just get her up and keep her awake until the next nap time, or a little earlier.  Those are anxious times for me because I worry we'll get back into that overtired, no nap cycle.  So far, missing one nap hasn't been a permanent problem.  She always seems to start new with the next nap and the rest of the day goes well.


To summarize, the key for us was to, especially at first, get her in bed at the beginning of her sleepy signals.  That seemed to result in the least amount of protest.  It was counter-intuitive to me because I used to think the more tired she was the easier she would go down-- but it's quite the opposite, just like Dr Weissbluth explains.